Grading myself

Are people any better off forever battling a sense of inadequacy compared to some one or another?
Well, the above is an extract from the article mentioned in one of the blogs I read today (http://naikutti.blogspot.com). I was quite depressed today of what is happening to the risk I have been taking these years. If I had been a conventional kid, by now I should have been a biotechnologist in Bangalore/Chennai or a researcher in a top university with a handsome fellowship. What did I do? I cannot stand Ethidium Bromide flowing into the drains where Toads live and cannot get along with titrations for a Tannery which allows workers to handle treatment bare handed and kids playing around the effluent… Horrible. I wanted to work for environment. Here I go…
Against the threats from the society.
- Come on, it’s time to get married and have two kids (says the responsible Uncle)…

- Oh, is this the purpose I SENT YOU to an university to do “Biotechnology”, spending all such money? (says the “strong” mother)…
- Hey, you were university first and you are not applying for Ph.D, Are you nuts? (says the second rank holder)…
- Already you did a mistake by not even writing the TNPCEE when you had 94%, you want to do this again and again, don’t you see your peers placed better than you? (says my sister One)…
- Oh, come on kid, you want to oppose our amma again and again (first was my boy friend ;-) (says my sister Two)…
- Why don’t you continue writing and be a photojournalist, look at other people di!!! (Says an Ex-journalist colleague, he is still a journalist reporting rapes and duplicate saamiyaars (ofcourse with tbspn of salt))
- LOL (all my peers)…
So, what is important? –
Are people any better off forever battling a sense of inadequacy compared to some one or another?
I realized that I cannot survive this hang, quit the game and decided to fight the system. Here I am imagining that this University where I study is good and meaningful. Now I am disappointed severely. I am graded not by my interests and involvement, but by my capacity to quote the latest reference ? The most recent sickest thing I experienced from the module was “I gave people “D” who referred to my old reference, I would have failed you, but since Christmas was there, so I did not”… I almost vomited hearing such an “UNPROFESSIONAL” statement , ranking one among the top twenty universities globally… It sucks. I am not paying my Four Lakhs for the “mercy” she is showing. I would feel better getting a “fail” grade, rather than her “mercy”. I am appealing tomorrow (Well, the truth is I got a D+, though I had referred to to what was referred to)I should agree I made many mistakes, like I haven’t mentioned two important Acts that are related to biodiversity. Moreover, I had written Ministry of Environment (when in Singapore it is called Min of Environment and Water Resources). There was a Standard setting institute earlier and now it is not there, but I had mentioned about that in my paper. Oh, come on, I am not a Singaporean and I cannot be expected to know such small changes. I might not deserve even B+, but I am sure I deserve something better than D+, I am not going to stay “mum”… (like other spineless organisms, who say “never be antagonistic to faculty… blab la bla”)
Leave aside the grades, which I am not at all interested in, but see where I am. So there is the “brightest” student and (here I am graded) “the dullest” student, though there is a D-. Is this the right thing to happen to students? No…
I am basically very sensitive on “fairness” in things.
Coming to the question again ----
Are people any better off forever battling a sense of inadequacy compared to some one or another?
I knew that I am equally competent; I do not want someone else to assess me through comparison. But in the society, I will be a product of the university with other products roaming around with their “grades”. I am not going to push them around, but I knew that I am not getting what I deserve. After all I am out of my country to get something of good quality and not stand like a fool listening to such nonsense (and also pay for it).

I understood something very important for tortured minds like what I have:

When you decide to fight the system, never ever imagine of a resting minute… You will be burning yourself non-stop… I wouldn’t say I can “win”, but I am sure I can make a difference…

Here is MY answer to the question - No the trouble is not worth it... You cannot "live" YOUR life at the end of all that BATTLE OF COMPARISON...