Depresshuns !

I am almost dissappointed to xtremes ! i hate self-pity ! things are getting so late ! I love something and i wont get it so easily even if iam very much eligible for that - say a career in wildlife conservation; my own love; a camera ? I dont know what is the reason, but i do not get what i want really ! Shucks with my life !I am sick of the whole thing happening around me ! Sometimes life becomes too difficult, you feel like quitting ! But I should manage this somehow and should not quit at all ! It just keeps running underneath my mind ! I cannot resist thinking about it ! Maybe i should go for a drink tonite - get myself completely drunk and come back and sleep ! This is stress man ! you cannot open up anyone because they are dangerous to trust ! They keep backbiting or laugh at you with others ! I can trust only him, and he is very far to chat over ISD ! These girls out here are lifeless girls ! They cannot share anything except the price of a jean in that platform, the new model of earring released in alukkas jewelry, the guy who gave a flying kiss in the road, the security officer's behaviour, the cigarette smell that came from the backside of our hostel and such and such stupid stuff ! They cannot discuss a new way to dispose napkins, building a small water tank for the birds to visit the backyard, a night stay in the forest to silently watch the tusker to passby, the terrace camping one night to watch wildboars and deers staring at you ! and so many so many interesting things ! I wonder how males out here are equally stupid ! Why dont sing aloud in the night when the road is illuminated by the moonlight ! Why dont they travel in the footboard when the breeze hits you beautifully ! Why dont they climb with me the cliff in the early morning to watch sunrise and the peacock getting down from its roosting site.. Why dont they share a cup of coffee behind my room to watch silently the courtship of red-whiskered bulbul, whisking briskly here and there and impressing the female , who silently gazes at the dancing male carelessly and drowsily ! Oohhh so many interesting things in this world ! Everyone has ceased to live and forgot to enjoy your planet ! Iam sick of living in this research org ! I love to work listening to hotel california guitar ! Or Illayraja's instrumental music CDs ! But I am not allowed to ! Iam an adult female 22yrs old ! When I can manage my periods dates of my own, why cant i manage my work of my own ! Anyway I guess I should have a silent hour and then get back to work ! Bye then !