continuing to feel tensed

Life can be too refreshing sometimes that you feel it almost over sweet. Too much of sweet to taste buds will lead to bitterness.
I had been very moody and too objective these days. I had never thought of making myself happy by doing something i like. Things have made me automatically happy and i have never searched for happiness anywhere.
But for the past few years, I had been searching for something in this short life. Something that is eating me wants something from this small planet.
It can be quite confusing, (as for me). But it is simple as that, unless you get what you had felt, life seems simply incomplete.
For me, life is still incomplete - a feeling of vacuum as anoop says, somewhere , somewhere nowhere inside my body.
Someone I can fall madly in love with - is Nature. I know I cannot protect it fully. I know I am losing nature for nothing and an useless everything called "Homosapiens sapiens".
I dont know where am I going towards ? I wanted to become an environmental activist (and i never wanted to apply for US just for that reason)
Now what am I doing ? I wanted to be with my guy. I know that relationship is more important. But relationships are important for so many people right ? Cant I make it secondary ? I guess I have made it already. If you ask me whom do I want to protect - a tigress or him... ? I would choose only Tigress... I cry as I write this. But I knew I have to do this. I can no more love my mother, when I crave for the wet and raw soil of this wild planet.

sometimes I feel taut of emotions when I feel the loneliness in my heart... My decisions about my career are severely affecting my humanity. My mother cried over phone today for not caring about her properly. I cannot explain her how I feel about family connections. When I was badly in need of support, I was not given, I had to push and hit the boulders by myself. Now what ?
I dont feel an attachment, however I have to support her and I am doing it without any regrets.

Iam feeling wilder than before when I am being in such a place. Emotionally I have lost all the ropes that were tying me like hell before. I am addicted to love but. Thats what was disturbing me like hell.

I can work, thats not a problem

I know how human males function mentally. I know them very well.

Anyways I am fine and I dont have any problems
Bye then