Am I a freak by the way ?

This entry was made by me in my diaryland, when i was called a freak at home :

dear diary, I am in one of those periods days , I am happy yet - you know i have several reasons for them. I got a JRF position in salim ali centre for ornithology and natural history - in an unknown project. I received my passport in hand. i am doing my mock tests great scoring fine numbers. Something somewhere is blank. Something is blank. I cant be in peace till i find out the stuf that has to fill the blank space. Iam doing some reading for the TOEFL and GRE examinations - but i lost focus halfway through. Iam putting and entry in you. I am happy you exist. This is something i keep on repeating. Pradeep is very understanding and supportive That makes me feel that I should not disturb him unneccessarily. He is very busy this week. and will be busy for some more time too.. I think i cant simpy pour such intuitive stuff on him through mails - he might think iam a psycho or something like that. I was getting some dreadful dreams these days - and theyu are weird and am in noway connected to all that stuff that came in my dream.

Anway, I got a work to do - so many works to do. You wont believe, after a long time, I got a dream abt my big sister. I hope this doesnt disturb my frame of mind. I think my sis has inherited some genes from my dad. I know she is fine now. Still, I am feeling out of the family. I would love to fly away somewhere. Atleast once in a day , I feel ashamed of being born in this family.

I dont like my mother at all. she is a true being, but iam not suited for her. My sister has become very slow and unuderstanding, adult .

I wont talk about my uncle's family. Iam not fit for them. Totally, I am feeling out of the scene. They call me impractical nut. they call me a freak at last. I hope natural is not "freak". Now freaks have become natural beings and natural beings have become freaks. a

nd so now iam freak.,

Isnt it natural to walk in the rain to enjoy the wetness of this earth?... Isnt it natural to yearn for a cup of hot black tea when it is so chill?... Isnt it natural to kiss a dog which is so affectionate and playful?.. Isnt it natural to feel that I shud protect nature when it is disturbed so much?.. Isnt it natural to fall in love with such a nice person like Pradeep?.. Isnt it natural to do all this?.. Isnt it natural to feel out of the scene with such a family?.. Isnt it natural to keep my mouth shut too all these nuts and write in you , someone who can understand me?.. I am sure it is not natural to write like this when i have my GRE and TOEFL in a week's time !. So I will logout now, but will get back to you after sometime. bye for now and love you very much