An organism speaks...

28-6-2005
My hometown

For the past two weeks or so, as I had written already, I had not been in a good mental state. As a reflection of the above, I had been behaving in a bad irritable manner to my beloved ones.

Though I had explained myself later to them, I sometimes feel guilty.
Only music can soothe my behavior.
At the end, I end myself in tears…
Even for tears, privacy is simply not available.

I have some good experiences in this short life.
But bitter experiences mount more than the good experiences….

Let me leave the personal bondages…
Come to my professional side…
Sometimes I cannot even separate and see the personal and professional sides.
Both seem to dissolve into one at some single sharp point…

I felt like hell under my showers after reading about Sethu Samudram Canal Project (SSCP).
It has become a political tug-o-war and the victim is the poor ecosystem and the innocent animals, elements and thus the planet Earth.

Yesterday I watched the movie Anniyan – It has really affected me very much…

Whenever I shout at my sister and my other family members for watching the pirated CDs, they would laugh back at me telling that " You cannot survive practically if go on like this, I cannot simply change this world, and will you shut up and get out of the room?"
The "ambi" character of this movie is just me. I have mourned inside the bathroom for simple reasons mourning over my powerless state.

I am not going to care about my familial responsibilities and bindings.

My personal life is a clear failure.

I wrote my beloved today a mail explaining my state of mind like this :

I am a stranded passenger, whose bus has broken down. I am waiting for my bus to be repaired.
Sometimes it looks like the bus cannot carry me at all.
That case, I am expected to reach the destination by taking some other bus (that is available – how funny and sick?)
You know what I have decided?
Stop trusting the buses and take the journey by walk itself….
Isn’t that a wise decision?

I have already started walking my journey…

My destination is to work for the Indian Wildlife. I simply don’t care about the American grasslands and the Turkish Flamingoes.

I worry about the land which is not bothered about, and doesn’t get the attention it deserves.

If someone is going to stop me, I will chuck their head off.
I am feeling much stronger than yesterday

Don’t call me a girl
Don’t call me a human being
Don’t call me a biologist
Don’t call me your daughter, mother
Don’t call me your love, Mr. P

Don’t call me your superlative friend, Mr. A
Don’t call me your student, sire

Better call me an animal …

The animal who wants to survive…
The animal that kills beings that threaten my survival…
The animal that doesn’t like lies…
The animal that doesn’t like parasitic behaviors…
The animal that is anti-capitalistic…
The animal that believes in existentialism…
The animal that believes in good deed and individual freedom…
The animal that begs for justice…
The animal that wants a clean environment at least to basically live in…
The animal that lives for a cause and not just lives…
Bye …